Last Friday, a convoy of approximately 23 semi-trucks took the streets of Washington D.C. to protest the decades-old seatbelt mandate in nearly the entire United States of America. The small group of truckers’ chants were quiet but powerful: “What do we want? NO SEATBELTS! When do we want it? NOW!”
The convoy leader, Gideon Hightshoe, stated that the goal of the protest was to convince Congress to eradicate all seatbelt mandates in each of the 50 states. “It’s ridiculous,” Gideon scoffed. “We may as well be forced to strap ourselves to the ground when walk outside – certainly wouldn’t want to get blown away.”
Unfortunately, however, the protest took a grim turn when one of the truckers behind Gideon was distracted by Donald’s impersonator outside the White House. He rear-ended Gideon, who had not been wearing his seatbelt out of “civil disobedience,” quoting Henry David Thoreau. Gideon was ejected out of his semi-truck, landing on the pavement in front of him; he was immediately taken to the hospital with moderate injuries.
After regaining consciousness, Gideon wanted to speak to the media. “I guess I understand why people wear seatbelts now,” he said, “but I stand by our goal. I’m not a loser, and we’re not giving up on this fight.” Despite Gideon’s optimism, every other trucker immediately buckled their seatbelt and sped away from the protest. Per a source closely related to the matter, Gideon will be moving to New Hampshire, the only state in the U.S. that allows adults to drive without their seatbelts on.
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