The trucking industry is facing an unforeseen crisis following the FMCSA’s new rule allowing companies to mandate oral fluid drug tests. The policy, intended to reduce cheating, has led to a nationwide scarcity of saliva, causing truckers to become dehydrated and local convenience stores to run out of bottled water and sports drinks.
“I was flagged for a random test, and the dispatcher told me I had to provide a sample on the spot,” said a frustrated driver from Ohio. “I haven’t had a sip of anything in two hours. I stood there for ten minutes trying to work up some spit, but all I got was a single, lonely tear.”
Medical experts are calling the phenomenon “Spit Drought Syndrome” and are urging drivers to increase their fluid intake. However, the surge in demand has left gas stations with empty refrigerators and has driven up the cost of a single bottle of water to rival that of a full tank of diesel.
“We used to sell maybe a case of water a day,” said a gas station attendant in Kansas. “Yesterday, a trucker came in, emptied our entire stock, and then paid for it all with quarters. He said he had to ‘rehydrate his future.’”
In an effort to combat the crisis, some fleets are reportedly installing mandatory “hydration stations” in their yards, equipped with industrial-strength water fountains and flavor packets. The goal is to ensure drivers can produce a sample at a moment’s notice.
“If they want my saliva,” one driver grumbled, “they’re going to have to start paying me for it.”
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