Every October, candy corn creeps back onto store shelves like a sticky seasonal zombie. But this year, truckers are fighting back, demanding that rest stops ban candy corn entirely.
“It’s not candy, it’s wax crayons wearing a sugar coat,” said driver Marco Alvarez. “I bit into one, and my teeth filed for workers’ comp.”
Reports of vending machines overstocked with candy corn have sparked fury. In Missouri, a rest area nearly faced riots when a machine spit out candy corn three times in a row. “All I wanted was a KitKat,” said long-hauler Deborah Chen. “Instead, I got seasonal trauma.”
The National Confectioners Association defended the product, calling it “a beloved American classic.” Truckers weren’t convinced. “Classic trash,” muttered one.
Activist groups are now mobilizing. One campaign, No Corn in the Cab, has gained traction on CB radio. Their rallying cry: “Not fuel, not food, not even candy.”
Meanwhile, some rest stops are testing alternatives, like caramel apple protein bars and pumpkin-pie jerky. Reception has been cautiously positive. “At least jerky doesn’t melt into my seat,” one driver admitted.
Whether this movement leads to a nationwide candy corn ban remains unclear. But one thing is certain: drivers are tired of seeing their snack choices haunted by orange-and-yellow wax pellets.
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