Authorities in Georgia reported a bizarre bust this October after a cargo theft ring hijacked a trailer they believed was full of Halloween candy – only to discover forty pallets of toilet paper.
“The suspects opened the trailer doors expecting chocolate bars,” explained a state trooper. “What they got was two-ply Charmin. Their disappointment was loud enough to be heard down the block.”
The thieves allegedly tried to rebrand the load online under the name “Reese’s Flushes,” attracting more mockery than sales. One attempted listing read: “Soft, sweet, and seasonal – $20 per roll.”
Truckers had little sympathy. “Happens every holiday,” said one veteran. “Last year, crooks stole a pumpkin load thinking it was oranges. Before that, someone mistook rutabagas for potatoes. Amateurs.”
Local drivers joked the gang may have struck gold during the pandemic, but in 2025, toilet paper theft is about as profitable as candy corn sales.
The suspects now face charges of theft, fraud, and “poor holiday spirit.” Police say the toilet paper has been returned to its rightful buyer – a discount warehouse promising “spooktacular savings” on bulk TP.
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