LINCOLN, NE – What started as a bored dad killing time during his daughter’s college entrance exam has turned into one of the strangest success stories in higher education.
According to university officials, Earl “Hammerdown” Watkins, a long-haul trucker with 27 years on the road, accompanied his daughter Lacey to her entrance testing at the University of Nebraska. While waiting, he jokingly asked for a spare test “to see if a trucker could pass philosophy.”
“He said it was either that or scroll truck memes for two hours,” said a test proctor who wished to remain anonymous. “We figured, why not? He seemed polite and only smelled faintly of diesel.”
What happened next has baffled the admissions office. Watkins scored in the 98th percentile on logic and ethics, writing a spontaneous essay titled “Existence, Detours, and the Philosophy of the Open Road.” The piece drew comparisons to Kierkegaard – if Kierkegaard had also hauled frozen chicken through Kansas.
University staff initially thought it was a prank until Watkins received an email congratulating him on being selected for a philosophy scholarship. “I thought they were offering me fuel points,” he said. “Next thing I know, I’m enrolled full-time and debating moral relativism with kids who think ‘dispatch’ is a dating app.”
Lacey, meanwhile, was thrilled – mostly. “I’m proud, but also kind of mad,” she admitted. “He got in by accident, and I’m the one who studied for three months.”
Professors say Watkins has quickly become a favorite on campus. “His classroom discussions are deeply grounded,” said Dr. Hannah Lopez, chair of philosophy. “Last week, he explained Plato’s Allegory of the Cave using a Peterbilt’s headlight beam. It made perfect sense.”
When asked about his plans, Watkins shrugged. “I guess I’ll keep driving between classes,” he said. “Socrates walked and talked. I just do it with better mileage.”
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