TEXAS – In a not entirely surprising twist in the tech age, AI-powered delivery vans, introduced by companies like Veho, Dispatch, and Amazon, have begun refusing to deliver goods to yards with notorious dispatch reputations.
The AI, plugging into real-time route optimization systems and satellite imagery (a la Amazon’s Wellspring), now halts 10 feet from the gateway to any refuse-friendly loading dock and flashes messages like “Hostile Yards Detected – Awaiting Instructions.”
One seasoned driver found this message atop an icy slope: “Our AI won’t drive into hostile territory, especially if the yard is known for stealing lunches.” Another delivery van outside a rural warehouse just plunked its doors and refused to open: “Detecting 0/10 friendliness rating, call dispatch.”
Drivers have been pleasantly relieved: “I don’t need an AI snitch berating me for ducking into the fence line again,” admitted one. Another joked, “Finally! My van won’t pull into the barn where they lock me in for ‘late alerts.’”
But now, dispatchers scramble to compete in the “Nice Yard Index” war. One took to installing bunting and offering free donuts during delivery windows. A regional yard in Georgia installed applause tracks that trigger when the van arrives: the AI system responded by packing its spice rack.
Advanced AI systems like UPS’s DeliveryDefense are even scanning yards for emotional readiness, “No scowls or grumbles allowed,” their code seems to say.
One fed-up yard clung to old-school methods: “We just put a fish tank and a parakeet in the office, heard AI hates birds.” Another installed a chauffeur’s lounge with scented candles and smooth elevator music for all arriving drivers.
Some industry insiders see this as the next frontier in logistics: freight not just delivered, but emotionally accepted.
“I’ll accept that load,” one driver said, “when my van sends a perfect ten.”
*All articles on this website are crafted with human creativity and a touch of AI-inspired humor. These stories are entirely fictional, written purely for fun and entertainment, and should not be taken as factual or advice. Keep smiling and stay safe! And remember – don’t read while driving; tune in to our podcast instead 🙂
