In a desperate move to shore up the shaky economic situation, the Treasury Department announced today that it had ordered the Defense Department to store all leftover Halloween candy in America in Fort Knox. The Army’s 10-ton Heavy Expanded Mobility Tactical Trucks (HEMTT) immediately began moving from all major posts to execute the command.
“Naturally, the crisis calls for out-of-the-box thinking,” explained Treasury Secretary Miles Tugo. “Sure, gold’s always going to have value and is a time-honored safety investment, but have you seen the new Kit Kat bars? I mean, come on.”
A special vault has been constructed beneath the Bullion Repository at Fort Knox to hold the new currency. Not only is it impregnable to anything short of a hydrogen bomb, it also is climate-controlled so the money will melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
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