In a bold departure from 60 years of precedent, the production company tasked with selecting a new actor to portray James Bond has chosen a complete unknown: not merely unknown, but completely inexperienced in performing anything at all.
“I don’t know if I’d go that far,” said the flabbergasted winner, portly truck driver Larry Swollen. “There’s plenty of acting involved in explaining some of the, um, discrepancies in my logbook, to say nothing of covering for my buddy at the rest stop while he’s tending to his special lady friends.”
Swollen’s first foray into the world of 007 comes next month, when he will climb behind the wheel of his gadget-filled Aston-Martin 18-wheeler for the first day of filming in the south of France. The title, Live and Let Diet, apparently refers to the villain’s evil plan to corner the market in pork rinds.
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