In a move guaranteed to trigger at least 4,000 YouTube rants and 10,000 angry CB radio monologues, California has officially banned the sale of new diesel trucks starting in 2036.
“We’re leading the charge into a cleaner, quieter, and slightly more confused future,” said a state official while standing next to a zero-emission truck that made a soft humming noise and then refused to start.
Reactions from the trucking industry were swift. “What are we supposed to run on now, almond milk?” a flatbed driver shouted. “I didn’t sign up to pilot a golf cart down I-5.”
Older diesel rigs are still allowed on the roads, but many see this as the beginning of the end. “Today, it’s new trucks. Tomorrow, it’s outlawing air horns and chrome,” one mechanic warned while hugging a Cummins engine like it was his childhood dog.
Truck stops across the state have already started preparing. “We’re swapping out our diesel pumps for oat milk lattes and QR codes,” one sarcastic manager said. “By 2036, you won’t refuel – you’ll recharge and meditate.”
Fleet owners are scrambling for answers. “I just invested in a brand-new diesel sleeper,” one said. “By the time I finish paying it off, it’ll be a museum piece. I’ll park it next to a VHS tape and my hopes for retirement.”
Electric truck manufacturers, meanwhile, are thrilled. “This is great news,” a sales rep said. “As soon as we figure out how to make an electric rig go more than 200 miles without crying, we’re golden.”
In protest, one driver promised to idle his truck continuously until 2036. “I’m not moving,” he declared. “If my truck’s going out, it’s going out loud.”
California insists this is the right move. “Cleaner air, quieter highways, and less tailpipe drama,” said the governor’s office.
Truckers, however, remain skeptical. “Until I can tow 80,000 pounds up a mountain without the battery weeping, I’ll stick with diesel and questionable burritos.”
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