As cargo theft incidents surge nationwide, some colleges have started blending Commercial Driver’s License (CDL) training with criminal justice coursework – because apparently, hauling freight now requires a minor in tactical evasion.
“We’re calling it the ‘Protect and Deliver’ program,” said Dr. Rita Fence, dean at Southeastern Haulers College. “It covers trip planning, hours of service, and how to spot a suspicious van tailing your trailer for 80 miles.”
Cargo theft has jumped 57% this year, with organized rings targeting electronics, pharmaceuticals, and, strangely, limited-edition scented candles.
One recent graduate, Craig “Side-Eye” Thompson, explained the curriculum: “I learned how to pre-trip inspect my trailer and how to speak in code over the CB in case I’m being watched. Also, there was a whole unit on emotional resilience if your load gets jacked mid-haul.”
The program includes hands-on simulations like “Spot the Fake Receiver” and “Hide Your Manifest Like It’s a Winning Lottery Ticket.” Some courses even include dodgeball drills to improve escape reflexes.
Law enforcement is cautiously optimistic. “It’s better than nothing,” said Detective Mel Grind, who specializes in freight theft. “Though I’m not sure the ‘Karate for Cargo’ elective is strictly necessary.”
Meanwhile, carriers are eyeing graduates with both admiration and concern. “We just wanted them to know how to back into docks,” said one fleet manager. “Now they’re quoting surveillance laws and wearing utility belts.”
Still, schools report strong interest. “Students want jobs that are adventurous,” said Dr. Fence. “And what’s more thrilling than trucking with a dash of espionage?”
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