In recognition of National Safety Month, the FMCSA has announced a new safety initiative requiring all Class A commercial vehicles to carry a CPR training dummy in the cab at all times. The move is intended to encourage life-saving awareness and hands-on emergency training, but drivers are finding… other uses.
“We want to make sure every driver has access to basic CPR education on the road,” said Megan Breathe, spokesperson for the National Safety Council. “If one life is saved because a driver knew what to do during an emergency, then it’s more than worth the effort—and the plastic torso.”
However, as with most regulations, the rollout has taken on a life of its own.
“I named mine Cheryl,” said flatbed operator Jason Wiggins. “She rides shotgun, holds my GPS, and honestly, she’s a better listener than dispatch.”
Drivers across the country have begun customizing their dummies with hats, seatbelts, and sunglasses. Some are even logging them as “co-drivers” on their ELDs.
But not everyone is a fan of their new travel companion.
“It freaked me out,” said rookie driver Carl Benton, who just finished CDL school. “I woke up from a nap in the sleeper and forgot she was there. I thought I’d picked up a hitchhiker who died mid-route.”
According to internal reports, FMCSA is now reviewing several unexpected side effects of the mandate. In one case, a CPR dummy was duct-taped to the passenger seat of a Kenworth T680 and driven through the HOV lane. When pulled over, the driver allegedly pointed at the vest-wearing dummy and said, “She’s certified.”
Fleet managers are now being asked to distribute official CPR dummy handling guides to prevent further confusion – and possible seatbelt violations.
“Cheryl may not be able to save lives just yet,” said Wiggins, adjusting his dummy’s sunglasses. “But she’s definitely keeping me out of the weigh station loneliness spiral.”
FMCSA has not commented on rumors that the next safety initiative may involve mandatory defibrillators… or inflatable therapy dogs.
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