In May 2025, the FMCSA plans to propose a rule capping truck speeds, potentially turning America’s highways into the world’s longest, most stressful parade.
“Look, we’re not against safety,” one fleet owner said. “But if I go any slower, I’ll start getting passed by joggers and birds with ambition.”
The proposed limit, still undecided, has sparked fierce debate. One driver suggested a compromise: “Let us keep our speed if we agree to wave politely and promise not to tailgate Teslas.”
Bumper stickers are already in development. One popular design reads: “Speed Limiters Save Lives – But Destroy Souls.” Another simply says, “I’m Not Slow, I’m FMCSA-Compliant.”
Independent operators are concerned. “I built my whole personality around the left lane,” said one. “If I have to drive 62, I’ll have to find a hobby. Maybe model trains or yelling into the void.”
Dispatchers are trying to stay positive. “We’re just updating ETAs,” one said. “Instead of Tuesday delivery, we now say ‘sometime before fall.’”
Some fleets are adapting with “slow lane camaraderie kits,” including crossword puzzles, meditative playlists, and a dashboard stress ball shaped like a brake drum.
Economists warn the rule could have ripple effects. “If all trucks drop below 65 mph, time itself may begin to stretch. Milk could expire in transit. Drivers might start reflecting on their emotions. It’s risky.”
Meanwhile, enforcement plans remain vague. One rumor suggests FMCSA may hire retired mall cops with radar guns and Ford Fusions.
Still, not everyone is upset. A safety advocate in Ohio cheered, “This will finally give me time to read those inspirational quotes on mudflaps!”
If passed, the speed limiter rule would redefine how freight flows, or crawls, across the country. As one driver put it, “I didn’t get into trucking to be fast. I got in for freedom, diesel fumes, and the occasional legally questionable diner sandwich. But this? This might break me.”
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