Gone are the days of the British monarch’s elaborate state coach, a gilded ornate monstrosity from 1762 pulled by 8 weary horses, with 23 uniformed attendants. The new King of England has pledged to “downsize” the monarchy and bring it fully into the 21st century. To that end, Charles III has commissioned a new mode of transport for his coronation, drawn by 500 horses: the Royal Flatbed.
Teams are working feverishly to adapt the PACCAR DAF New Generation XD cabover electric tractor-trailer for the royal procession.
Bespoke upholsterers, metalsmiths, polishers, and gilders have fallen upon the vehicle like vultures on roadkill. Though not a Rococo confection like the horse-drawn version, the king’s new ride will hardly be the plain girl at the wedding. Corinthian leather, silver exhaust pipes, and golden bumpers will ensure that the king suffers no embarrassment at his
parade.
When told that his beloved coach whip would no longer be necessary, the king ceased flogging his footmen, pouted, and said, “That takes all the fun out of being king.”
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