Mattress-bedded Trucks Surround Wall Street to Break the Fall of CEOs

Mattress-bedded trucks surround Wall Street to break the fall of CEOs

As stock prices plummet, so do despairing financial managers. In a bid to preserve America’s shrinking supply of financial company CEOs and CFOs, Dow Jones has hired several dozen flatbed trucks full of mattresses to break the fall of our despondent captains of industry.

“Not only is it a human tragedy,” explained NYPD Captain Woody Lai, “but it’s a humungous mess. Blood and Brooks Brother’s suits fragment all over our sidewalks. The homeless guys filed a complaint. So I applaud Dow Jones for taking steps to catch these guys.”

There was a learning curve. Until the right mattress depth was found, many were bouncing off the trailers onto the horns of the bull sculpture.

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