In a move already sparking outrage across the trucking industry, San Antonio officials have officially banned overnight truck parking on city streets. Their solution? They’re recommending drivers “rest virtually” instead.
“We understand truckers need sleep,” a city spokesperson said at a press conference. “But maybe it’s time we all embrace the future. Why park here when you can park… in the metaverse?”
The announcement was met with stunned silence, followed by a burst of laughter from one driver in the crowd. “So let me get this straight,” he shouted. “You want me to pull my 53-foot trailer into a virtual lot, drink virtual coffee, and get back on a real highway? You people lost your minds.”
City officials insist the ban is about aesthetics and safety. “Trucks block the views of our historic neighborhoods and interfere with brunch photos,” the mayor’s office explained. “We simply cannot have flatbeds full of rebar ruining the Instagram vibes.”
Drivers aren’t buying it. “They don’t care about safety,” one owner-operator said. “They care about Karen not being able to post her avocado toast without a trailer in the background.”
The city claims its metaverse alternative will offer digital rest stops, virtual diner booths, and even 8-bit DOT inspectors handing out pixelated citations. “It’ll be just like real life, but less diesel fumes,” the spokesperson promised.
The backlash from trucking groups was immediate. “You expect us to sleep in a video game?” the National Independent Drivers Association fired back. “We’ve barely mastered electronic logs. Now you want us jacked into the matrix?”
One driver took matters into his own hands by parking his rig directly in front of city hall. “Let’s see how they like the ‘real world’ version,” he growled. “I’m not moving until someone explains how a virtual logbook keeps me from falling asleep at the wheel.”
For now, the ban stands. San Antonio’s final statement was blunt: “The metaverse is open 24/7. Parking tickets… also 24/7.”
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