SPRINGFIELD, MO – A dense fog that rolled across the Midwest early Tuesday morning left dozens of truckers idling on the shoulder – and at least one questioning the very foundations of his existence.
“I couldn’t see the road, the signs, or my own hood,” said Randy ‘Radar’ Lewis, a veteran driver with over twenty years on the road. “After fifteen minutes, I started wondering if I’d missed an exit or just entered another dimension. By the thirty-minute mark, I was thinking about the moon. Is it really round? Or is it just reflecting someone else’s headlights?”
The fog, described by weather officials as “thicker than diesel station chili,” brought parts of I-44 to a standstill and, according to eyewitnesses, sparked spontaneous philosophical discussions on CB radio. “Usually, we talk about rates or DOT inspections,” said truck stop cashier Sheila Dean, who overheard drivers debating existence over burnt coffee. “Today it was all, ‘What even is a destination, man?’ I started writing some of it down.”
Dispatchers reported widespread confusion as drivers began sending introspective updates instead of ETAs. “One guy texted, ‘Arriving soon – if any of us truly arrive,’” said dispatch supervisor Martin Polk, visibly exhausted. “Another asked if time was real or just something ELDs invented to control us.”
Experts say fog-related existential crises are not uncommon among long-haul drivers, especially when weather, caffeine, and loneliness intersect. “The road already blurs time and distance,” explained psychologist Dr. Angela Rowe. “Add zero visibility and endless static on the radio, and you’re basically inside a moving sensory deprivation tank.”
By late afternoon, visibility had improved, though several truckers reportedly refused to continue driving until they “figured some things out.” Lewis, who eventually reached his destination, admitted he’s changed. “I used to measure my day in miles,” he said. “Now I measure it in moments of clarity. Also, I still don’t trust the moon.”
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