Facing yet another wave of unfair stereotypes, a group of long-haul truckers has responded not with protest signs – but with tank tops and baby oil.
“I walked into a diner and the hostess handed me a to-go menu without even making eye contact,” said flatbedder Cody “Suds” Lane. “That’s when I knew – we needed to reclaim our image.”
Thus was born the Summer Heat Beauty Contest for the Working Man, held at a truck stop in Kansas City, featuring categories like “Sweatiest Sleeves,” “Beard Most Likely to Have a Thermostat,” and the fan-favorite: Wet Shirt, Diesel Edition.
Critics called it absurd. “It looked like a mix between Magic Mike and Diesel Brothers,” said local resident Tammy Jo Flenning. “But to be fair, I stayed for the finals.”
Participants insisted the event was about reclaiming dignity. “People act like we all smell like grease and despair,” said tanker driver Maurice “Moose” Gillette. “But sometimes, we smell like victory. And Old Spice.”
Sponsors included an off-brand energy drink, a soap company called “ScrubHaul,” and a trailer wash that offered free rinses for competitors. Prizes ranged from a $50 fuel card to a signed bottle of Febreze.
Meanwhile, FMCSA declined to comment, stating only: “This does not technically violate any grooming standards.”
The contest has since gone viral, with calls for regional semi-finals and a rumored calendar shoot titled Twelve Months of Mildly Moist Men.
Said Cody Lane, shirt still dripping: “We’re not just drivers. We’re damp icons.”
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