October 8 was Walk & Roll to School Day, a nationwide push to encourage kids to walk or bike while raising awareness for road safety. Noble intentions, but for truckers, it turned into one long unpaid shift as part-time crossing guards.
“I had 42,000 pounds of frozen chicken in the trailer, but apparently Timmy’s tricycle had the right of way,” said driver Carl Simmons. “I was late to delivery because a kid stopped in the crosswalk to trade Pokémon cards.”
Convoys across small towns reported similar chaos, as reflective-vested parents herded gaggles of children across intersections with the intensity of traffic cops at the Super Bowl. “I got waved down by a PTA mom with a stop sign,” said one flatbed hauler. “She treated me like I was hauling nuclear waste.”
The FMCSA praised the event, saying it “highlights the shared responsibility of safety.” Truckers muttered that it mostly highlighted how long it takes a kindergartner to untangle their shoelaces.
Some carriers even leaned into the chaos. “We rebranded it as ‘Community Engagement,’” said a dispatcher. “If drivers are stopped anyway, they might as well wave at the kids.”
Rumors suggest next year’s awareness campaign could be “Hopscotch for Highway Safety,” with plans to chalk giant squares in truck stop parking lots. Drivers are not amused.
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