With tariffs rising and global tensions simmering, several U.S. carriers have announced expanded services to Canada and Mexico – but it’s not just freight crossing the border anymore.
“We’ve decided to haul everything – pallets, regrets, unresolved emotions. Whatever fits in the trailer,” said a spokesperson for Borderline Hauling Inc. “We’re the first carrier to guarantee next-day delivery on midlife crises.”
The expansion comes after months of negotiations with border officials. One Canadian customs officer admitted, “They showed up with paperwork, but also a therapy dog. Honestly, it was the most polite border crossing we’ve ever had.”
Mexico’s response was less enthusiastic. “Your paperwork is fine, but you’re late. Our tortillas are cold,” said a border inspector. “You know how hard it is to reheat a tortilla without shame?”
Some drivers aren’t thrilled about the new routes. “I signed up to haul freight, not heartbreak,” one trucker grumbled. “Last run, the dispatch sheet literally said, ‘20 pallets of lawn chairs and one existential crisis.’ What am I supposed to do with that?”
Industry analysts see potential. “There’s a whole market for emotional freight,” one expert said. “Couples breaking up could literally ship their partner’s stuff – we call it the ‘It’s Not Me, It’s Freight’ package.”
One startup is already offering specialty services. “We’ll deliver your baggage – both literal and emotional – straight to your ex’s door,” the company announced. “Express shipping available if you’re really feeling petty.”
A fleet manager tried to explain the strategy. “Diversification is the key. If freight slows, at least someone’s always hauling regret.”
Despite the jokes, border authorities issued a warning. “We accept cargo, but anyone trying to declare emotional damage as duty-free will be turned around.”
For now, the industry is leaning in. “It’s simple,” a driver shrugged. “If they’re paying, we’re hauling. Feelings or furniture – it all fits in a 53-footer.”
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