Mellowed Out on Mufflers: Truckers Turn to Therapeutic Gardening Post Drug Test Failure

Mellowed Out on Mufflers: Truckers Turn to Therapeutic Gardening Post Drug Test Failure

In an unexpected twist to the drug test results that led many truckers off the roadways, many of those sidelined drivers have transitioned to therapeutic gardening. Greener pastures were indeed more literal than the trucking community first suspected.

The Federal Motor Carrier Safety Administration reported that 146,000 drivers remain in prohibited driving status after their drug tests. Instead of re-entering the return-to-duty agency process, these drivers have reportedly adopted peaceful lives in the serene world of horticulture.

“What’s a big rig when you’ve got big roses?” commented Steve “Gearbox” Graham, a former trucker who recently won a blue ribbon for his prize-winning dahlias at the Ohio State Fair.

Jane Thompson, a newly formed Truckers to Tillers Association spokeswoman, said, “It’s not as much a career change as it is a life revelation. They’ve replaced CB radios with watering cans and love it.”

One of the most baffling revelations from the data collected showed that marijuana, accounting for 58% of all positive agency drug tests, might have a more intrinsic connection to this new calling. “Well, you know what they say,” chuckled Rodney Peters, a former driver turned herb gardener, “where there’s a weed, there’s a way…to a happier, soil-filled life.”

Indeed, the trucking world’s loss has been the gardening world’s gain. Greenhouses across America report an uptick in the sales of gardening gloves, compost, and beginner gardening books, many stamped with catchy titles like “From Diesel to Daisies” and “Highways to Hydrangeas.”

But not all reactions have been positive. Todd Spencer, President of the Owner-Operator Independent Drivers Association, was more direct: “Gardening? Seriously? I guess it’s their way of planting roots after being on the move for so long.”

Regardless of the perspectives, one thing remains clear: the transition from revving engines to reviving ecosystems has created an unexpectedly blooming community of former truckers turned passionate gardeners. Whether this trend is a fleeting one or here to stay, America’s gardens seem set to flourish even more.

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