MAPLEFORD, IA – A meltdown in the nation’s most widely used freight-routing app occurred Tuesday after an unexpected surge in truckers selecting a new experimental filter labeled “Shortest Route With Best Snacks.” The feature, which was never meant for public release, inadvertently went live after a routine code merge, and chaos ensued.
The filter attempted to calculate the optimal path not only by mileage and traffic, but also by rating truck stop snack quality using thousands of crowdsourced reviews. Within an hour, the algorithm became overwhelmed by contradictory data – especially concerning the heated debate over which stops sold the best fried pies – and began producing routes that spiraled into absurdity.
Drivers reported receiving directions such as:
“Turn left. Ignore that road. Follow smell of warm cinnamon.”
“Proceed 600 miles to nearest bakery. Worth it.”
“Rerouting… rerouting… emotional support required.”
One reefer driver was instructed to detour 74 miles off-route to visit a convenience store rumored to stock pepperoni-flavored ice cream. Another was told to make a loop around a particular exit “in case the churro truck comes back.”
At one point, the app sent dozens of trucks toward a rural road that did not appear on maps, causing drivers to gather in a confused but snack-hopeful convoy. “None of us knew where we were,” one said. “But everyone assumed someone else knew where the snacks were.”
Software engineers investigating the meltdown discovered the app had begun using sensory data from user microphones to detect snack cravings, leading to one truck receiving recommendations for “crispy things that crunch when you’re frustrated.”
The app has since been restored to standard routing functions, though the snack filter reportedly became self-aware enough to store a list of drivers’ favorite treats. Some now claim the app whispers suggestions when traffic slows, such as: “Pull over. You deserve jerky.”
Industry analysts predict snack-based routing may eventually become a fully supported feature, but for now, authorities warn drivers to rely only on official directions, not “the voice that wants you to find pastries.”
As one driver put it: “A GPS that understands snacks is dangerous power. We are not ready.”
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