In a dramatic departure from previous custom and historical precedent, Congress today passed landmark legislation mandating that all existing U.S. paper money and coins shall be destroyed, to be immediately replaced as legal tender by varying grades of truck tires.
“This should help reduce inflation, so to speak,” said Senator Wendell Onnthetake. “We certainly won’t be printing more money than the economy can absorb now.” When asked how people were supposed to carry such bulky currency, he answered, patting his prominent belly, “The same way I do. This is a literal spare tire. A $20 bill, to be precise.”
Those most in favor of the law are owner-operators, who will become instantly flush with much-needed cash, at least until their affordable retreads disintegrate on the highway.
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