Truckers Named ‘Most Likely to Have Hands-Free Hobbies’

hands free

At the recent Occupational Superlative Award Ceremony (OSAC), the final award—”Most Likely to Have Hands-Free Hobbies”—was delayed due to a fight that broke out between the teachers and the politicians due to an untimely unionization joke.

However, the award sparked its own interest when Rock Hudson announced that truckers had won. The underdog trucking workforce (+250) narrowly surpassed the plumbers and electricians. “It’s just hard to play ping-pong, juggle, or do yoga when we’re trucking,” said Rebecca Turner, a trucker for 20 years. “They didn’t stand a chance.”

Outrage ensued later in the evening when the OSAC voter committee was revealed to the public. Over 10% of the OSAC committee’s voters (13 of 124) had ties to UPS, FedEx, or Schneider. Pleas came from the trucking workforce, with Jack Gentry shouting to the crowd: “It’s hard enough not to be able to solve a Rubix’s cube while I’m driving – can you just leave us alone?”

The OSAC committee did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

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