Late last night, Vin Diesel announced via Twitter that he is legally changing his name to Vin Battery. Mr. Battery cited global warming in his viral tweet. “Cars are burning Fossil fuels at a rate that’s too fast and too furious.”
This move shocked fans and battery users alike. He received a battery of questions. “Why?” Asked one fan. “How could you cell-out?” Demanded another. “Could you jump-start my car battery?” A third was requested. Twitter users were charged up, and the energy online was electric. Some fans supported the move by retouching their Vin Diesel tattoos. Another furiously burned a photo of Vin using diesel fuel.
Mr. Battery hopes the move will inspire millions of fans to switch to electric vehicles. “It’s all about family. And there’s no greater family than planet earth. Also, I’ve changed my children’s names to AA and Lithium-Ion Battery.”
Vin announced that all future semi-trucks hijacked in the Fast and Furious movies will be fully electric to demonstrate his commitment to the environment. “I don’t support violence against the earth. Robbing trucks is fine, as long as those trucks are battery-powered.”
In solidarity, The Rock will be changing his name to Third Rock from the Sun.
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