It’s no secret that Lord of the Rings films have made a literal truckload of cash. Many truckloads. It’s a whole convoy of cash trucks. $6 billion. And that’s not even including the unending merchandise, which is another $15 billion. Pretty soon, we’ll be talking serious money. With this in mind, director Peter Jackson plans to remake the films, this time featuring heavy trucks in supporting roles.
“It’ll be pretty straightforward,” he said from his palatial condo in Hobbiton. “Trucks aren’t actors, but we can use them in non-speaking roles. So the nine Nazgul will be on black Freightliners instead of horses. For cave trolls, we’ll have Mack dump trucks. The orcs will be played by Chevy pickups with kit-built mini semi-cabs. For hobbit extras, we have the craft services wagons. And Smaug the dragon will be a Peterbilt rolling coal. The savings on union actors will be significant.”
Rumors that elves will be portrayed by PT Cruisers are unconfirmed.
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